On The Homefront

[tjay]

I hope I have posted this in the correct forum and it helps someone!  Some things you can do at home with your kids or by yourself to help the time pass during deployments.

1. Count down chain. Do you remember Christmas when you where little and you would make count down chains at school and take them home? Same idea. Chose 2 or more colors of construction paper. Cut into 365 strips (more or less depending on the length of time your soldier is to be deployed) and glue into a chain. This can be a fun thing to do by yourself or with your children to watch the papers come off day by day until your loved one comes home. The only problem with this is that deployments are unpredictable and can often be lengthened and shorted repeatedly during the deployment. Make sure you explain this to your children so that if you get to the end of the chain and mommy/daddy are still not home they don't freak out. You being the parent are also capable of adding or subtracting links as necessary after the kids have gone to bed to make the chain accurate to daily changes. For those waiting on a Mormon Missionary the church book stores usually have countdown charts where you fill in a bubble every day till the missionary comes home, these are a little more accurate and unchanging than deployments.

2. Write a journal or blog. Especially if you have children, take a moment at the end of each day as you are winding down and getting ready for bed. Sit down and write in a journal. Write what you all did that day, write down what your children want your loved one to know about that day and how they feel at that moment, good or bad, happy or sad, a journal with all those things will be something your soldier can go back and read, something your children or you can go back and read, and something that can help you and your children get through future deployments by looking back and seeing how it felt last time.

3. Prepare for your soldiers return. While my soldier was gone Christmas wasn't Christmas so I celebrated else where and my home went undecorated but with the extra money the deployment gave us I went on a Christmas shopping spree after Christmas when everything was on sale for all the decorations we would need to decorate for the year he would be home.

4. Find something to do. Whether your children are young or old in school or not find something you enjoy doing OUTSIDE of your home. This can be a college course, a fitness class, going for a walk, going to the park, going to the gym, visiting a friend. Any thing you enjoy take at least one day a week and get out of your house, no matter what. This will help with the loneliness and isolation. GET OUT! This is SO important. If you can possibly find someone to watch the kids once a week for an hour do so. You need a break! It's hard to do it alone no matter how old your kids are or even if your kids are animals. Get out and go to lunch, do something with some one. This is the one thing that will save your sanity.

5. Find a friend. Not just any friend. Find someone who knows what you are going through. Find another military spouse that has a deployed spouse at the same time (there are a ton of them at any given time) yes you will get on each others nerves sometimes because deployments are emotionally draining but as long as you are the kind of friend that you want to have you'll get through the hard times. It never seems that civilians know what you are going through and Spouses who's soldier has returned are a bit out of touch both physically and emotionally. My husband has returned and I will be the first to admit that when James got home I didn't want to talk to anyone and wanted to spend all my time with him, I will also admit that my joy over having him home has tainted my memory of what it was like while he was gone. It doesn't seem as bad now as it felt it was then. So make a friend of some one some where who is in the same position as you. My "Battle buddy" lived on the other side of the country from me but most nights she was my saving grace. I don't know how I would have gotten through that deployment without her.

6. Remember "It will end" Deployments do not last forever and better times are ahead. Unless the unspoken unthinkable happens which I pray never happens to you or me, This deployment will come to an end and your soldier will come home. Stay positive. Always remind yourself that, This will end and your soldier WILL come home. My soldier and a friend reminded me of this often. "IT HAS COME TO PASS." This trial has come and it too shall pass. Stay positive and strong for your soldier and yourself.

Last 7. It's okay to cry Being strong is good but it is also okay to cry. Be it a few minutes in your living room or crying yourself to sleep wearing your soldiers shirt and hugging the teddy bear they gave you. It is always okay to cry because this is painful, but if you can make it through this, you can make it through ANYTHING!